Monday, May 01, 2006

Can't Sleep

I can't sleep tonight. This is not the normal not sleeping thing either. This is different. I can't turn my mind off. I got some terrible news tonight and I can't shake these thoughts out of my head.

My girlfriend Ashlie (the one I always talk about) informed me tonight that a lady who goes to our church was in an automobile accident this last Friday morning. She was found by her neighbor who happened to be a policman and he says that she was not breathing and was blue all over. She is now in ICU and they are running all sorts of tests on her while she is in a drug-induced coma. They don't even know if she is brain dead or not yet. They think she had a heart attack or heart tremors or something like that. They don't know why she had this accident. There were no other cars involved.

I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around this. I know this lady. I ate lunch with her last Sunday. It is hard to think of her in the state she is in. She is such a nice and wonderful lady.

I guess what is bothering me worse when I think of all this is my own mortality. We all are going to die at sometime. It is inevitable. The only question is when. I worry about dear Chloe. My little angel. Will she grow up to be a woman of God if I'm not here? How can I teach her about Jesus at such a young age so she will? I want her to know Jesus with every fiber of my being. I want her to know how much He loves her. I want her to understand that He died for her to take her place so she could spend eternity with Him. What a wonderful Savior we have and I want my daughter to know Him and His Love. This is my deepest prayer. The deepest longing of my heart.

I pray that whatever amount of time God has for me on this earth, I will spend it teaching His truths to my daughter so that when I am no longer here, she will know them well enough to follow Him. My daughter must know and love Jesus. I couldn't bear it if she didn't.

So, that is why I can't sleep. I have Chloe in my bed with me tonight since James is gone. I just have to be near her tonight. My soul is crying out to God on her behalf and I just need her near me as I am calling to the Lord.

I don't know why I am posting this. I guess I just needed to talk to someone and even though this isn't really talking, in a sense, I am getting all this off my chest. I am making myself a cup of chamomile tea and I'm going to sit and crochet on Debra's shawl next to my precious baby girl sleeping. I will cherish each moment of this life that God has given to me with her. I will hold her close to me every chance she lets me, even if it means the floors don't get mopped or the dust on the television doesn't get wiped off. Life is so precious and delicate. God has blessed us with people to share this life with and to love and I will not take that for granted anymore. We don't know when our time on this life is over. I am thankful for each moment I have with my wonderful husband and my darling daughter.

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