Saturday, July 01, 2006

One of THOSE days!!!

I am sure you all know what I am talking about when I refer to one of THOSE days. They are the days when you cannot accomplish anything although you are busy all day. They are the days when no matter how hard you try to be a good person, it gets thrown in your face how human you are. It is one of those days when you feel as though you haven't a friend in the world and no one cares. It is one of those days that you just wish you could disappear forever.

This is the kind of day I have had. I won't bore you with the details as I am sure that you don't want to hear them. I am just lonely and tired and feel as though I have lost my best friend. I just long for this day to be over.

I am sorry to post such a negative post. I try my best to stay away from this sort of thing. I like my blog to be a happy place that people enjoy coming to and reading. A place to come and smile and leave feeling regreshed and encouraged. I guess maybe, this is why I came here. I need a smile.

So, I am feeling down about my designing abilties. Yes, there is some jealousy involved too. There are so many truly talented desiginers out there and I long to have just a smidge of the talent they posess. I just am not that smart. I am not a math whiz nor am I creative enough to come up with stunning designs. My patterns are simple and not well written. My testers have a hard time understanding what I am trying to expain. I always thought I had a way with words. I have loved writing since I was a child. Poems, stories, you name it...I just love to write. Why can't I write a decent pattern? I don't know. Today, I feel like giving up. I know I have come to far to give up...but that is what I want to do. I will never measure up...no matter how hard I try. I will never be the kind of person my heart longs to be. A gracious woman of God...and a woman after God's heart.

Well, I have an extremely cranky toddler climbing the walls and then crying cause she doesn't like it up there. Maybe tomorrow, if I am feeling better, I will delete this post. I will have to re-read it when I am feeling better, I think. Now, I am off to knit...cause at least I know that what I knit stinks because I am a beginner and not because I am just not creative.

4 comments:

Reverberate58 said...

Some days are just like this day! And there is nothing wrong with posting about it. This only makes you human! Sometimes out of dispare comes real beauty if we just step back and give it a chance! You have friends and we care. Maybe do something fun to get the adrinaline flowing and who knows maybe you will find that inner peace you need. Try to have a great day.

And yes toddlers have no idea what it is they want!

Debra said...

Oh Darling!! You are most definitely a woman of God... a gracious one at that. We are only human.. When I had my fiber business I had the same jealousy that you are dealing with. To top it off- why were others making more money and getting more recognition than I was for the same items. I struggled. Finally I had to let go and let God. We can only do what we do with the strength and wisdom of God. Give it over to God. If you want to design something more complicated then ask God to lead your hands. If you are struggling with wording in a pattern sit back and ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with the right words..
To encourage you a bit. I crocheted a doily last night. As I was crocheting it I was wishing it was written by you! I understood it but the wording or lack of there of had me wishing for one of your patterns.
don't your worry yourself sweetie the longer you design patterns the better you will get. You are fortunate to have many people testing your patterns- I don't think everyone has so many testers- like the doily I did- had I tested it I would have pointed out several things..God is guiding you-Just keep your priorities straight (God first, Family second, this third) and He will prosper you. I love ya! Hugs to you, debra

Anna said...

Thank you guys...Thank you so much. It means a lot to me that I have such cherished online friends whom I have never "met" but sometimes feel closer to than my friends I can "see".

Debra~You are dear to me. I love you too. Thank you for such kind words about my patterns. And you are so right. I do need to let God handle this whole business. I have spent some time in prayer this morning and I do feel better. I still have some hurts but God will heal those in time.
Thank you both for the kind words of encouragement. I have picked the crochet hook back up today...so maybe there will be a post later. (keep you eyes open...lol)

Debra said...

you are most welcome sweetie. glad you were encouraged.. I have had a cranky baby on my hands.. I haven't gotten much done on your site or otherwise. thankfully at this point it is just getting pictures up and the shopping cart- which jeff will do.. It will be a busy week with the holiday and jeff's family coming on Thurs for a bq.. but I will keep working on it as baby lets me..
keep your chin up