Friday, October 20, 2006

Want to Start Your Diet Fast???

I have found the quickest way to start a diet. I may even write a book on this method. I have tested it and can vouch for its record breaking speed. It is instant and the most surefire way to begin a diet that I have ever come across. I will break it down into steps since some of these concepts might be new to most of you and therefore a tad difficult to comprehend.

Step #1 - Find a restaurant for dinner. This restuarant needs to be in a crummy sort of neighbourhood...the kind of place where a cop sits at the front door during the dinner rush. The preferred type of establishment needs to be a buffet...this is where you can follow steps 2-12 best. (it is kind of hard in a nice restaurant to follow the steps given in this method.)

Step #2 - Pay for your meal first. Again, this usually only happens in a buffet-style choose wisely.

Step #3 - Secure family into seats with thier meals before them. NOTE: this step can sometimes be skipped...but you need to be able to sit and enjoy your meal for this method to reach its "full" effect.

Step #4 - Gather items from the buffet to fill your plate with. You will need to make sure you spoon a large helping of the noodle salad onto your plate. This needs to be a LARGE helping and the salad itself needs to be a creamy yellowish color.

Step #5 - Proceed to your table and begin to dine on the delicacies you have choosen. It is best to eat a bite of one item and move onto the next. Work you way around the plate until you get back to the beginning and repeat.

Step #6 - At this point, you will notice something strange in the noodle salad. Proceed to eat a couple more bites of it, thinking that this is only a few noodles stuck together.

Step #7 - After a few more bites of salad, pull up the "strange" item a bit onto your fork. You will come to the conclusion that this is wax paper and NOT noodles stuck together and set it aside.

Step #8 - Grap a clean plate and head to the dessert bar.

Step #9 - Return to your table with a few different desserts on your plate that leave you drooling in anticipation.

Step #10 - Watch as your husband starts to "play" with the bit of "wax paper" on your discarded plate. He will then stab part of it with his fork and proclaim, "this looks like a finger!!!"

Step #11 - Laugh and say, "No way...put that down so I can eat."

Step #12 - Turn your head away as your husband continues playing with the "wax paper finger" until he laughs and says, "this is a latex glove".

I guarantee you, your diet will start immediately once step 12 is complete!!! Just the thought of eating something that touched someones dirty, sweaty hands that might or might not have been washed will definately prevent you from eating anything more. This method was actually tested by us yesterday and we were unable to eat for the rest of the evening. Go ahead...try it. It really does work.


CraftyShannon said...

Trust me, finding a long black hair swimming in your Alfredo sauce will do the same thing. And yes, it works at a nice restaurant in the good part of town too! It's even nicer when it WAS your favorite thing to order at said restaurnt.

Yes Anna, feel free to add that to your book too. :)

Sorry your meal was ruined. At least you only found the glove. It could've been worse. Eeeewwww!

Lady_MSnow said...

That is just disgusting!!!! I would think that diet would work too. At least you now know....where NOT to eat!

Anna said... could have been a FINGER!!!! (shwoosh...that is a relief)
And the funny thing is...they gave us coupons to eat there again, TWICE...thank goodness the coupons are good for any place in we will be going to the one a little closer to home for the next meal.

Jodi said...

We found a little worm in a salad once! Needless to say, we didn't have to pay for our meal and their were 3 of us.

Mrs Lifecruiser said...

YUK. That would make even me - the hungry monster - to manage the diet!!!!

D I S G U I S T I N G...

busyHSmom said...