Friday, July 17, 2009

A Bit of Anxiety

James came home the other day with a deployment checklist full of all the things he (we) need to accomplish before he leaves. Not only that, but this booklet also includes information for the spouse and children of a deployed person. I have to be honest with you...some of the things this book stated hit a little close to home and my eyes began tearing up as I tried to hold back the sobs.

Short. Everyone in our home is short. I try not to be short but it just comes out. Somewhere, deep inside of me, I am anxious about his leaving for 6 months and so the tendency is to push him away, to snap at him. Even to snap at Chloe sometimes. Its like I just want him to hurry up and leave so we can begin the countdown to his return. The departure looms overhead like a giant cloud ready to unleash a lightening storm on all who stand beneath it.

Part of the anxiety stems from the fact that we have done this before. Last year. I really didn't know what we were getting ourselves into that time and I found out that it is hard and long and extremely hard and a very long time. Those memories remain fresh in my mind. The sleepless nights. The lonely dinners. The empty coffee cup next to mine. Yes, this time I know what we are getting ourselves into and I suffer from a bit of anxiety over it.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Philippians 4:6

Sometimes the simplest thing is not always the easiest one. I find this "do not be anxious about anything" part a little hard. It is so easy to say though, don't you think? When we see others anxious about little things we often quote this verse to them lickety split. But when it comes down to the hard, cold truth, we realize that being anxious for absolutely nothing truly is difficult.

Quite frankly, there are things in life that I feel DO warrant our anxiety. I mean, I could lose my husband. It is a fact of war. This warrants a modicum of anxiety if anything does, right?



Read that verse again.

Be anxious for nothing! How? (I know you were asking that, as well as I) How can I not be anxious over this looming deployment? Prayer. By prayer and petition and with thanksgiving I am to make my requests known to God. I am reminded of another verse here.

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."
James 1:22

Don't just read the Bible. Do what it says. It cannot get any plainer than that. I am to stop being anxious and I am to pray. Its funny how I can go through my Christian walk for so many years and still not grasp the simple concept of these verses. But I aim to practice them this week. And, Lord willing, I will get this anxiety under grips and stop snapping at my family enough to create a happy home for my dearest to remember and eventually return to next spring.


LadySnow said...

Oh Anna...I can't imagine what your family must be dealing with right now as you what for the time for James to leave. Our prayers are with you. And you already have it anxious for nothing. And do what it says. :-)

pamela said...

amen, anna. what a beautiful blog, dear friend. and how gracious of you to share with us your journey with Christ through what i consider an unthinkable time. may i use your blog as one of our verses of the week for our women's ministry? it truly is beautiful, and i know it would touch many many women's hearts. thank you for posting.

Anna said...

Sure Pamela. I am humbled that you would want to share it with other women. I hope it blesses others and helps them through their Christian walk as well. That was my purpose in sharing it.

pamela said...

i am grateful! it will be the vow for sunday, july 26 -- the day VBS starts. i guess the Lord knew i wouldn't have time to write something, so He provided a wonderful vow in your piece. i talked to beth a little bit about it today. i just know it will bless may.

(((((HUGS))))) sandi said...

(((((Anna))))) I have read this more than once and am at a loss for words. I have actually cried for you, because I cannot imagine! I am in awe of the sacrifice your entire family is making on my behalf (and the behalf of others, of course). Please know you will be in prayer!!!! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

Anonymous said...

You move me to tears. I will continue to keep all of you in my prayers. :)