Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Tough Times

I can't believe it. I ran out of coffee one day short of errand day. There is not a drop nor a bean to be found in the entire house. Talk about withdrawals. And something is definitely wrong with my mood today. I feel weepy. I have no desire whatsoever to do anything but sit and stare out the window. I wonder if this stems from the fact that I have had no energy juice (coffee) today or that James leaves soon for six months and we are snapping at each other left and right.

Can you believe it? I mean we only have a few more days together and here we are...either arguing or not speaking. I try to keep my mouth shut and sit in silence, just enjoying his presence, but somehow these nasty things keep spewing forth from within.

I have read that these types of feelings are normal and yet I believe that since we have the Spirit of the Living God residing in our hearts that we should not act this way toward each other. We should live our last few days together in harmony and in peace with love. I desire for my dear husband to have fond memories of his last few days with us to carry him through the months of loneliness ahead. Why is it so hard?

It seems that no matter which way I turn, I make tremendous mistakes. I can't seem to get things right. I can't adjust my attitude. I can't change my personality. So, I sit here and struggle with emotions I can't grasp control of.

So, what to do now? I think I will take Chloe on a walk around the block and get ourselves some fresh air. Maybe pick some flowers from the back garden for a vase on the kitchen table. I might even deadhead some rose bushes and plant some lettuce. Fresh air might be the perfect substitute for a cuppa joe.

My goal for today? Have a pleasant smile on my face by the time James returns home from work.

1 comment:

LadySnow said...

((((HUGS)))) I can't even imagine what you are going through. Praying that you will have that smile on your face for James. :-)