To say that this month has been a trying month would be the understatement of the year. My emotions have been pulled so tight that I fear they will soon snap. I cling to my Savior and His Word because I can't do anything else.
After a tough week last week, I restfully sighed to myself this past Sunday afternoon. My very own car nested in my driveway with a brand, new engine inside. It felt good to sit behind her wheel once again. Chloe needed to start her seizure medication Monday morning. Yes, the neurologist started her on medication and so, if all goes well with this medication, the seizures will stop. They have to be stopped. Yes, I breathed...and sighed again...and thanked the Lord Jesus for some calm times.
Two hours later, I received a heart-wrenching phone call from my mother stating that my oldest brother was missing.
I almost didn't believe her but the slight shake in her voice as she described the situation let me know that this was, indeed, real. My brother works on a mountain as ski patrol and also as part of the Search and Rescue squad. He works the bike trails in the summer time. Sunday, he was marking out the trails for a bike race later that day and had driven an ATV up the mountain at about 7:00am. He last checked in at about 9:30am.
The phone call from my mother arrived at 10:30 at night (my time) and he had been missing since 12:00 that afternoon. My mother asked me to pray. I cried instead. I found myself unable to formulate words. The only semblance of a prayer I could muster was "Please, God...let them find him." I didn't know what else to do, so I picked up the phone and through my tears I informed a good friend of mine what was going on. She prayed for me right then and there on the phone and then asked if she could come over. I said yes.
My dear friend sat with me until the phone call came at 2:30 am stating my brother had been found. The Air Force had brought over a helicopter to help in the search. They found him wandering on a road, throwing rocks off the side to prepare for the bike race. His ATV was about 100 yards away down the side of the mountain. Apparently, he laid there for 12-14 hours unconscious.
This week we have learned that my brother suffered some brain damage from his head injury. He remembers everything Friday night and prior. He has no memory since Friday night and is unable to make new memories. I was able to call him today and finally speak with him. It felt so good just to hear his voice. He sounded completely normal. He asked about Chloe's seizures and I told him the latest of what was going on. He asked about James deployment and thought it was neat that James gets to see us on the web camera every day. He even asked about our car and if we were ever able to get that situation worked out. I had a normal conversation with my brother and it felt good.
He will not remember this conversation.
I do not understand everything in life. Why a four year old child will suffer multiple seizures and no one knows why. Why a healthy man could crash an ATV off the side of a mountain and suffer brain damage with short term memory loss. Why I am left alone to endure all these trials while my loving husband is deployed. I don't understand these things.
I do, however, understand one thing. My God is able to see me through. My God is able to hold me up. My God is able sustain me, comfort me, grow me, draw me. My God is able to use my brother's accident and injury for His glory. My God is able to use my daughter's life story to draw others to himself. My God is able to provide a brand new engine for my car at no charge to me. My God is able to send friends along when I need them most. I have a great God! He is able to do that which we cannot do for ourselves. In the midst of yet another storm, I cling to Him. I cling to His promises. I cling on for dear life, because I cannot do this on my own. He will see me through. He is more than able, of that I am sure.